Time Out

Well unfortunately BAN was a failure. I cut up a banana into small pieces and ate it. I waited five minutes and then ate some applesauce. Finally, I waited five minutes and ate 100 calories of almonds...then I ate another package of nuts. And then I ate another package of nuts. And then I ate the other banana. And then I finished off the remaining seven packages of nuts. And then I made up a Mounds bar. And then I used the last of the coconut to make another Mounds bar.

Then I went to sleep.

This morning I ate my good breakfast. Then I set out some chicken to defrost. At mid-morning I grabbed a package of some kind of cheese and a package of smoked salmon and ate until I was full. In mid-afternoon I made and ate a bowl of popcorn seasoned with butter and cinnamon/sugar.

Then I admitted defeat.

I don't think I will post for awhile. I have no idea what I will do next, but I don't want to post or record. I just want to coast.

Help! Nighttime Bingeing

Still making Mounds bars at night. Is that a clue: at night? Maybe I'll do some Internet exploring on the subject.

https://www.pritikin.com/your-health/health-benefits/healthy-weight-loss/1846-stop-binge-eating-at-night.html

I looked at several sites. I already do everything right (no skipping meals, etc.), so it boils down to "identify the cause." 

1

Know the difference between emotional and physical hunger. Sometimes we eat at night because we are genuinely hungry, especially if we deprive ourselves of calories throughout the day. Other times, nighttime eating is due to emotional hunger. Identifying whether your nighttime eating is physical or emotional is an important step in dealing with the problem.

• Does your hunger come on suddenly or gradually? Emotional hunger is more likely to manifest itself in the form of a sudden craving. Physical hunger comes on gradually.^[1]
• What kinds of foods are you craving? When you're experiencing emotional hunger, you're more likely to crave sweet or salty comfort foods than something substantial.^[2]
• Do you eat enough calories during the day? If you're on a calorie restricted diet or if you're skipping meals, then you'll likely experience physical hunger at night. If you've had a full meal earlier, however, your hunger is probably emotional.

and that led to Dr. Oz of all people, saying:

Step 1: Ask Yourself: "Is My Hunger Coming from Above or Below the Neck?"

Most nighttime eaters know that even after eating a full meal, it's easy to still feel hungry. Chances are this isn't physical hunger, it's emotional. You can tell you're experiencing emotional hunger if it comes on suddenly (as physical hunger is gradual) and if you are craving specific comfort foods. When emotional hunger strikes, feed it with BAN - bananas, applesauce and nuts. Make sure to eat these in progression, not all at once. Start with the banana, cutting it up into small pieces to satisfy that snacking hand motion. Once you're done, wait five minutes before moving on to the applesauce. If you're still hungry, eat the applesauce next to mimic that sweet and creamy consistency ice cream gives us. Five minutes after that if you're still hungry, move on to the nuts to get your salt fix. 

Step 2: Occupy Your Mind and Hands

Try to distract yourself with an alternative activity, other than eating. Do something that works both the mind and your hands, like knitting or a crossword puzzle while you listen to music or watch TV.

Step 3: Brush Your Teeth

That clean-mouth feeling is a great deterrent to keep you from mindlessly snacking. Toothpaste or mouthwash changes the flavor of food, so that piece of cheese or chocolate won't taste as good after. Just be careful if you have heartburn, as mint is a trigger for it. If you do, choose a different flavor of toothpaste.

Step 4: Pick Your Poison

If all else fails and you still have a craving for something specific, pick just one thing you are craving. Whether it's ice cream, some salty chips or candy, have one single serving of it and be done. 

So, I have nothing to lose and will try Step 1, the BAN plan. Sounds interesting and certainly not as bad as Mounds bars!!!!

Mounds Bars

Guess I'm still off the wagon 'cause even though I fasted yesterday (for a medical procedure), I felt the need to get creative after lunch. Because I found some coconut in the freezer, I was inspired to mix:

• 1 tsp cream
• 1 tsp 100% cacao powder
• 2 tbsp coconut
• 1 tbsp honey

Presto! Instant Mounds Bars!

I fell off the wagon

I was fantasising about Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia because the little store down the street usually carried it. I guess I knew I was going. Of course they didn't even have Cherry Garcia...

It's almost like watching Obi eat grass--is there a mineral in grass that his body knows he needs??? I don't understand, but I'm really tired of the struggle. Today I'm going back to eating carbs. I can't imagine any reason why craving fat and sugar should translate into craving carbs, but I don't know what else to try.

Mudslide, Avalanche, Snowball?

 My nextdoor neighbor, Pat, tried to make me feel better after the can of cashews. She said "Sometimes I get a craving and buy something I normally don't and then pig out."

"So," I reply, "Do you buy a dozen donuts and eat them all?"

"Oh no," she says, "maybe two. But I usually don't eat any."

"OK," says I, "You're not a binger...'cause I'd eat the whole dozen!"

"But," Pat replies--she's really trying to make me feel less weird!--"if the thing is sold in a package, like cookies? I'd eat the whole package!"

Sweetheart!

Sadly, one of the problems I have with bingeing is that it can snowball. Once the dike has been breached...so later in the evening I returned to the kitchen and took inventory. I found a tiny bit of Cheerios left over from when my nieces stayed with me. Wow, CARBS!! Oh, a bowl of CEREAL!! So I filled a bowl, quickly defrosted some left-over-from-the-days-of-fruit-shakes frozen mango, added a good pour of cream...and pigged out!

THEN!  I returned to the kitchen, found where I had hidden the honey, and mixed some with the last of the peanut butter. Later, I added some honey to the essentially empty peanut butter jar and scooped out a few more teaspoon fulls.

Finally I was finished and went to sleep wondering how bad it would be the next morning (on the scale). Definition of binge eater.

It wasn't too bad this morning. As I told Pat last night, it wasn't the end of the world. I knew what would happen: I'd just thrown away a couple weeks worth of diet. The sad thing is there's a whole bunch of stuff I would rather have eaten if I was going to eat 6000 calories of forbidden fruit. But all I can do now is let it all go and move forward. Too bad today is "Core Monday."

a rainy day'll do it...

I went to Safeway to buy a bunch of sweet potatoes, but unfortunately, the Girl Scouts were selling outside the entrance. I bought a can of cashews, the only thing they had without sugar. Then, because I was on my way home from tennis, I opened the can and ate about 1/4 cup. I'm SUPPOSED to eat some protein after exercise!! I guess I should have known; I should have dropped that can of cashews off in the public lounge downstairs because God knows I don't even like cashews. Instead, I dropped the can on the table along with Obi's leash...so of course it stared at me the next time I took Obi for a walk...

I just ate the entire can, two cups of cashews that I don't even like. (Has anyone ever postulated that bingeing is a way to express negative emotions? Well, it is a rainy day, and I did get extremely annoyed with a friend but felt strongly prohibited from expressing that feeling. Hummmm.)

Down in the Dumps

As I weighed myself this morning, I realized November was going to be another wasted month of no gain. Life is NOT FAIR! Here I've been soooo good, no desserts, no sugar, no CARBS at all, no bread, no rice, no PASTA!! for FOUR MONTHS. I guess a lot of people would say, quit complaining, 25# in four months is great, I'm too impatient. Except that it FEELS like nothing's been happening. Is that true?

I go check my progress.

Clearly, my head doesn't remember very well. Looks like I was doing great 'til that binge episode at the end of the October (Happy Halloween!!) So I need to suck it up and persevere. Focus: it's the journey, not the destination. 

I've been slacking off of exercise, too. So far my weekly numbers are fine--at least seven hours (my goal)--but I've been achieving it with every-other-day doing nothing. So it's 1200 calories on lazy days and 1500 on at-least-1-hr days. I suppose it's also possible I got out of ketosis with that binge. Now, that should have no effect on weight loss, only on what's being lost (fat vs. muscle), but again, it just feels like nothing's happening. 

Maybe it's the weather. Summer's over. Extra quilt on the bed, jacket on me and Obi for early morning walk, end of Daylight-Savings, too cold or windy for a bike ride. Whine, whine, whine.