What makes me a binger?

I guess I'm really a binger/dieter because this is a graph of my weight for the last five years. Actually, if I had a graph of the last 10 years, it would look the same. Depressing.

I realized the other day that my weight has been doing this ever since I quit smoking. I remember that my husband used to say that he could keep track of the time by my cigarettes: one every 15 minutes. I could have kept a blog for quitting smoking because, like Mark Twain said, it's easy; I've done it hundreds of times! I have quit for 2 hours, 2 months, 2 years. Once I quit for 15 years!! Currently, I think it's been five years. I'd LIKE to think I'm through with it...but now I'm fat...and not just for 2 hours.

What is it, some kind of oral craving? Because my mother didn't breast feed me? Whatever, what is, is. And what it is is binging.

I binge. I have no clue why. Am I hungry? Bored? Depressed? Tired? All of the above? I binge on sweets. In my 20s I could easily eat a pound of Sees in one evening so I guess it's nothing new. Today I can easily whip through a half gallon of ice cream or a half dozen muffins or a box of cookies and a half dozen muffins.

I can't keep jam in the house because I am prone to eating it with a spoon. I used to like to make orange marmalade for gifts, but the last time I did it, I ended up eating half the gifts before I gave them away. I once ate all 10 orange marmalade packets while sitting in a pancake restaurant.

Sometimes I wonder if it's not chemical because I actually observed myself once dipping a spoon of butter into the sugar bowl and eating it. Needless to say, I can't keep butter in the house either.

It's not that I don't know how I'm supposed to eat. Years ago the Women's Health Initiative didn't want me in their nutrition health experiment because I already knew everything. Honest. I'm very well educated. I don't eat fast food, fried food has rarely touched my mouth, I know the food pyramid up and down, rarely eat red meat, love veggies. I even love vegetarian food! (Actually, I love food, period. I can't think of a single food that I don't like. I even ate a chicken claw in China once. Wait a minute--I didn't like the chicken claw; I merely ate it. OK, I admit to preferences.)

I'm a good, healthy eater. I don't skip meals. I prefer balanced meals. I don't drink soft drinks. I don't drink alcoholic beverages regularly. I always eat breakfast, the most important meal of the day.

Anyway, I think I've been on this see saw for a really long time, have learned a lot, and will continue to learn and strive, so I decided to share it with YOU! Who knows, you might learn something from me and, if I'm lucky, pass on your success story to me!